Here's the promised part 2 for last week, though not the next day. So the half promised part 2 I suppose.
Let it be known, I'm started this while I was sitting at work, feeling unproductive and burnt out because it has been just a whopper of a month. (Does anyone say whopper anymore outside of eating candy, Burger King and fishing?) So I thought I'd take an extended break and write in my blog. I finished this Sunday night when my other blog was supposed to be written. I guess you get two today.
So my reflections this week were that I really didn't do Lent justice. As usual, I didn't give up much as I find giving up things doesn't really change much, it just leaves me miserable or annoyed. Instead, I try to do more, which can be equally challenging. But the more I chose to do was exercise, not miss any church, participate in the Friday stations of the cross, and read the Rediscovering Catholicism book. I exercised like 3x and rationalized not doing it more because I've been sick basically all month. I think I missed one day of church due to illness, but I probably could have suffered through it. I made all the stations of the cross... except the last 3 due to traveling, work, and not having time on Good Friday (big fail there...). And I read most, but not all of the Rediscovering Catholicism book. Overall I'd say thats pretty fail.
So when I got to Easter, already I have trouble "feeling it" because I have found that the Easter Mass is rich in tradition but often poor in execution. On the most joyful day of the year, you'd think the music would be more upbeat, the homilies would be celebratory and the general mood would be awestruck and grand. Instead, the music is slow and somber (not in the cool deep tradition kind but in the slow and somber kind of slow and somber) and the homily was average. And the people tend to feel frustrated from the lack of parking, personal space (since the Masses are extra crowded) and planning on making it to their next family event.
Knowing I'd had a crappy Lent, I tried to make the most of Mass. I focused as much as I could and appreciated what the Mass really had to offer in the extra prayers, the words, of the songs, and imagining the sudden rush of hope the apostles must have felt but dared not latch onto when they heard Jesus may have been alive. While the overall execution was mediocre, I still think it was a good day. In particular, I had this moment where the guy next to me just really seemed to get it. He was a youngish man with a few little kids, but he was still singing, he whispered not to sit down until the bishop had put his hat one (which tricked most all of us) and when he gave the sign of peace he actually looked at you and made you feel it. While my non-Christian friends will think this is crazy, I really felt like Jesus was sitting next to me in this guy. So that really made my experience.
Of course, I went right back to failing missing Mass this Sunday our of pure, unrestrained laziness and excuse making, all to myself. I really need to latch onto those positive church moments more.
Which brings me to my next revelation. One thats been bothering my for a long time but I haven't really done anything about. I don't have any good Catholics playing prominent roles in my life. After Mass on last Sunday, I ran into two old friends, who I've known forever. We went to grade school together, high school together and were super involved in youth ministry together. Our faith lives were formed together. In college, we stayed close for the first few year, but as we all got involved in our various activities, we saw each other less and less.
It wasn't until the last year or so that I've realized how much impact those people had on my active faith life. I'm still Catholic and working at being a good one, but it was so much easier with those people in my life. It's not like nobody in my life supports my faith life. Sunshine Knives, Spam Boa, and Tenshi all support my Christianity, in very different ways I might add. But I don't even see Sunshine much anymore, Spam lives friggen far away, and Tenshi can only do so much considered she's not religious at all. I've met a few other Catholics at school too, but I either don't see them enough for us to support each other or they are slowly falling away too. I'm not home much with my folks either and I never truly found a church community I've truly felt at home like I used to.
A lot of this is on me, I have to make the efforts and persevere and even offer myself as that friend to others so we can support each other, but I think that's my biggest fault. I'm too stubborn to admit I need help and think I can do it on my own. And while that may be true that I can maintain on my own, I cannot improve alone. In all this, I know God is with me and has watched me flounder around with a relationship with him. But He works through others too, and that's where I've been more cut off.
Hmm. I didn't think that's where I was going with tonights reflections. I thought instead I would talk about my family. How we paint Easter eggs still, and my cousins and all their drama. Perhaps in the future I'll tell you. For now, I leave you with this thought, in honor of the beatification of John Paul II (for those of you who don't know that means he has one more step to becoming a saint. One miracle has already been attributed to him and now there needs to be another. He will now be referred to as Blessed John Paul II. On to the thought:
Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.
Listening to: Boston Foreplay/Longtime My fourth favorite song ever.
Playing: When I first started this post, all the gaming I was doing was on my phone and sometimes the ds: Angry Birds Rio and Castlevania Dawn of Sorrows
Reading: News articles about Obama's speech yesterday and JPII and Osama bin Laden. Big news weekend.
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