It's hard to believe that I'm back at home in CA again. Less than a month ago I was still a student at Ohio State and preparing for graduation and the culmination of two years abroad... err out of state. A lot has happened since then. I graduated, of course. President Obama spoke at my graduation, which was a mix of great advice to start and campaign speech to finish. So half good. I moved out of my apartment, packed everything I couldn't live without into my car, and Cali Foodie and I drove across these United States. After a week of driving which featured sights like Mother Mapster's living room in Indy, the St. Louis Arch, Beale St in Memphis, the French Quarter in New Orleans, Carlsbad Caverns and good ol Los Angeles, we were home. (travel blog in progress). I've spent the last two week living at home though not without partying it up with Naysayer P Squirrel; La Familia including Mama G, Bridges, Spam Boa, Kareen, Nemesis, Alejandro Brock and Clark; my own real family; Dungeon Daddy, Heavy Spy, Tenshi and Micki Granger; and of course a Disneyland trip with Cali Foodie among other adventures, its been kinda a busy return home. It feels a lot like my spring/winter break trips back: cram a bunch of stuff in as fast as you can before you leave again. Only this time I'm not leaving. And that. is. wonderful.
It was good I was home too. The day after I returned, I visited my grandmother in the hospital a week after her stroke. At 94, Grandma had been asking, I'd go so far as to say pleading with God to take her home for the last 5 years. My grandfather had died 10 years before from Parkinson's disease and my grandma did not want to become a burden. By Thursday two weeks after the stroke, her condition worsened and we were keeping 24 hour watch. When I said goodbye on Thursday night she said I love you to me and my siblings. I came back to keep vigil on Friday and she had slipped into a coma, ending two weeks of pain. I left at 830. She passed at 10:30 quietly with her eldest living son, her comfort, by her side. I realized afterward that the stroke happened almost to the HOUR 10 years after my grandfathers death, dying two weeks later. Drew York summarized it best: Grandpa finally came back to get her but he forgot how long it takes women to get ready for the party.
Its been a wild month. I think about my grandma, the life she lived. She say the Depression, the end of Prohibition, WWII (married a Vet), grew up in New Orleans with a French speaking mother (yeah, we are THAT French) moved to CA and saw Los Angeles grow and change, Malibu where her home was go from the middle of nowhere to millionaire's suburban dream. Saw people land on the moon, fight in Vietnam, and the rise and fall of the Berlin wall. WOW! Yet the most important things in her life were her five sons, twelve grandchildren, nine great grandchildren, and the adopted daughters and spouses of grandchildren. In the last week in the rehab center where she passed, they said they had never seen such a devoted family, spending so much time with someone who was sick. I am the man I am today because she was the woman who raised my father, matriarched our family, our religious stalwart, and the woman who gave me a great perspective on the world: calm down. She's seen so much and we freak out over the change of a Facebook layout. Keep the important things close and happiness will follow. It is hard to say goodbye. It's hard to see your dad cry. It's hard to see a sister who is dying say goodbye to another sister who just beat her to it. It's funny how grief works, manifests in all of us differently. But that's life. Calm down and live it.
So, as I move back to CA, I don't have a job yet. I don't have any money. My family just lost an important member. I don't know what's coming. But I'm so blessed. It's all going to be fine because I'm surrounded by some very important people. People I need. My parents, my siblings, some of my best friends in the world, Cali Foodie, and the sense of comfort and stability that was fleeting but never permanent in Ohio. I dearly miss Dandy Woo, Powder Climber, CC, Tall Bear, and Hopeful Introspective. But this is where I need to be. I know that and have seen that over the last weeks. Calm down and live it. It's all going to be fine. Welcome home.
-JTY
Listening to: Can't Hold Us- Macklemore and Ryan Lewis
Reading: Great Gatsby- Fitzgerald. Cuz why not?
Playing: Legend of Zelda- Skyward Sword I am so happy I finally got this.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
and... GO!
I woke up this morning and really needed to write. That's how my blog should be, one that comes a bit from the mind and a bit from the heart. Wordsworth said "poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings... recollected in tranquility." I'm starting to organize my brain out a little.
I returned to California almost a week ago now. It has been wonderful. I've already gone to Disneyland, eaten many of the foods I sorely missed, and reconnected with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, whether at University, here at home, and even my own family, especially my sister. Cali Foodie and I had a wonderful drive across country, and I have my travel notes ready for the blog. We've also continued to hang out several times already, which has led to some really good food too. I'm starting to slip back into the LA and OC world and I like that.
However, there's a level of anxiety that comes with change. I have actually been doing ok coping, though really I think it's been more of an ignoring. When I left for Ohio, I had a lot of anxiety and hope as to what was going to happen. I returned with the hope but the anxiety started to seep in a little more over the last week. What if I don't get a job? Where am I supposed to be? What is really next for me? I know I need to be here in CA. I know that surprisingly clearly. However, I had a vague plan in my head as to what to do next, but is that actually what I'm called to do?
As religious as I am, this idea of being called to something is really important. It reflects that God has a use for me in this world and I want to fulfill that use. It does not mean that everything is predestined. God has a plan but I'm the one functioning in the world and I make my own choices. So I choose what to pursue what to put my attention to what needs doing. But I can offer a little more control of my life to God. And that's where my anxiety is coming from. I need to trust God a little more. And that's scary.
It's a little counter-intuitive to let go of the desire to control everything. In fact, in my field we try to control everything. Educate people on all levels. But education is at its core helping people learn to help themselves. I cannot control what lessons stick with my students or how they will apply the things they've learned. Just like I can't control who will hire me or who will not. Its not that I sit back and let all that stuff happen. Know I have my "conversations" with my students or I interview to the best of my ability. But I can only control how I react to things. So I have to have faith. More faith anyway.
So as I mentally ponder through my mornings anxieties work and money and what that next big step in life for someone in his mid twenties who showed up going "I'm here! This is where I need to be! Now what?" faith is what I need to start establishing. I need to reestablish a strong faith base. That's what sent me to Ohio in the first place if you recall the blog. The literal sign in the trees that said Ohio. That same faith is how I'm going to get to my next steps.
It's kinda funny. When I went to OSU, I had the path but not really the support group that comes with it. Now that I'm back, I have the support group but not the path. Life's a pendulum of challenge and support.
-JTY
Listening to: Alive Again- Matt Maher haven't done the religious music in a while but it's always been good for me.
Reading: The Great Gatsby- Fitzgerald, its been like 10 years since I read it in high school, I think I'll reread it before I see any movies. I might not finish this one though.
Playing: Skyward Sword at freaking last. Thanks Dungeon Daddy for the loan!
I returned to California almost a week ago now. It has been wonderful. I've already gone to Disneyland, eaten many of the foods I sorely missed, and reconnected with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, whether at University, here at home, and even my own family, especially my sister. Cali Foodie and I had a wonderful drive across country, and I have my travel notes ready for the blog. We've also continued to hang out several times already, which has led to some really good food too. I'm starting to slip back into the LA and OC world and I like that.
However, there's a level of anxiety that comes with change. I have actually been doing ok coping, though really I think it's been more of an ignoring. When I left for Ohio, I had a lot of anxiety and hope as to what was going to happen. I returned with the hope but the anxiety started to seep in a little more over the last week. What if I don't get a job? Where am I supposed to be? What is really next for me? I know I need to be here in CA. I know that surprisingly clearly. However, I had a vague plan in my head as to what to do next, but is that actually what I'm called to do?
As religious as I am, this idea of being called to something is really important. It reflects that God has a use for me in this world and I want to fulfill that use. It does not mean that everything is predestined. God has a plan but I'm the one functioning in the world and I make my own choices. So I choose what to pursue what to put my attention to what needs doing. But I can offer a little more control of my life to God. And that's where my anxiety is coming from. I need to trust God a little more. And that's scary.
It's a little counter-intuitive to let go of the desire to control everything. In fact, in my field we try to control everything. Educate people on all levels. But education is at its core helping people learn to help themselves. I cannot control what lessons stick with my students or how they will apply the things they've learned. Just like I can't control who will hire me or who will not. Its not that I sit back and let all that stuff happen. Know I have my "conversations" with my students or I interview to the best of my ability. But I can only control how I react to things. So I have to have faith. More faith anyway.
So as I mentally ponder through my mornings anxieties work and money and what that next big step in life for someone in his mid twenties who showed up going "I'm here! This is where I need to be! Now what?" faith is what I need to start establishing. I need to reestablish a strong faith base. That's what sent me to Ohio in the first place if you recall the blog. The literal sign in the trees that said Ohio. That same faith is how I'm going to get to my next steps.
It's kinda funny. When I went to OSU, I had the path but not really the support group that comes with it. Now that I'm back, I have the support group but not the path. Life's a pendulum of challenge and support.
-JTY
Listening to: Alive Again- Matt Maher haven't done the religious music in a while but it's always been good for me.
Reading: The Great Gatsby- Fitzgerald, its been like 10 years since I read it in high school, I think I'll reread it before I see any movies. I might not finish this one though.
Playing: Skyward Sword at freaking last. Thanks Dungeon Daddy for the loan!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Here we go again
**In this episode, I ponder my upcoming travels, job, and moving back to CA**
My time in Ohio is wrapping up. I finished my last paper almost two weeks ago (and got the grades to prove I will actually be graduating Friday). I spent last week in Florida (mini travel blog may or may not happen soon). Today was my last day at work. Things are coming to a close. I've started doing that thing in my head where I say goodbye to someone and wonder if I'll ever see them again. Its kinda surreal. In fact, while I was walking away from my office, knowing I would not be returning, I felt I weird weight behind me, an emotional tugging as if I were pulling my thread out of their tapestry of time, off to make my own creation while theirs weaves onward in a different direction. In order words, I'm slowly departing Ohio over the next two weeks rather than in one fluid motion.
So here we go again. Time for goodbyes, adieus, and of course, my standard: See ya when I see ya. But before I get all nostalgic and reflective on my time here, there's plenty of partying to do and bucket lists to fulfill. My parents arrive tonight, and I will be doing the Columbus tour with them tomorrow, alongside my retired aunt who lives here and I've yet to visit. Friday should feature a trip to Cleveland for the rock and roll hall of fame and to see my cousin. Saturday is hooding and Sunday graduation with Obama speaking. Monday and Tuesday are packing for my impending road trip with Cali Foodie next weekend. It's ending so fast!
I think one of the things I'm most looking forward to in the road trip, besides going with my travel buddy, Cali, and visiting the sites, is creating a bunch of great playlists for the drive. My last few trips I've wanted to update my ipod with good stuff, but then I always run out of time. Of course, this means I need to find my ipod, which is the same one I've had since freshmen year of college! Probably time to update, but I have been so Android heavy, I never bothered with an iPhone and never got around to an iTouch. Someday soon, when I have a job.
The job thing is still pending. I expect responses in the next few weeks. I'm excited for my future in residence life. I miss those days when I had a staff to work with. I think its a testament to my blog regulars like Dr. Naysayer P Squirrel, Banana Slug, Pokeboss, Captain Peanut, Red Button, and many others that I loved my previous job, in a big part because of them. I've also lately been reflecting on my RA days, which brought my some of my best friends like Dungeon Daddy, Heavy Spy, Mother Mapster, Micki Granger, Tenshi, Spotty Sister, Steakhouse, Chai Ducky, and so many others (half the cast of characters really). Mapster and I in particular were discussing the level of safety, familiarity, comfort and independence that we think about when we look back on those days. I want to create those opportunities for my students and residents again. It's interesting, because in my cohort of almost 30, only myself, Tall Bear, Cali Foodie, Hopeful Introspective, and one or two others are willing to take ResLife jobs. People don't like the idea of living in ResHalls and the long wild hours of on call response. To me, its something I yearn for. I can't wait.
Until then, though, I get to live at home. I'm glad to be closer to my family. Way closer. Maybe to close? Two months minimum living there, based on prospective job start times. I'm not sure where I'm sleeping yet even. It might be the first time all 5 of us will be spending any prolonged period of time under the same roof since I came home for summer back after my sophomore year of college. I hope it goes well. It should go well, I'm actually not worried. I shouldn't be, right?
So yes, big changes coming. I'm trying to get back into the blogging thing more consistently, and not just the travel blogs that are more for me than you. Until then, have a lovely week!
Listening to: Tale a Bow- Muse, seems fitting for endings. and new beginnings.
Reading: A Shadow in the Wind, Zafon, for my diligent readers, you'll notice that I was reading this book two years ago. I still haven't finished. Freaking grad school.
Playing: Castle TD, a tower defense game on my phone. It's too addicting.
My time in Ohio is wrapping up. I finished my last paper almost two weeks ago (and got the grades to prove I will actually be graduating Friday). I spent last week in Florida (mini travel blog may or may not happen soon). Today was my last day at work. Things are coming to a close. I've started doing that thing in my head where I say goodbye to someone and wonder if I'll ever see them again. Its kinda surreal. In fact, while I was walking away from my office, knowing I would not be returning, I felt I weird weight behind me, an emotional tugging as if I were pulling my thread out of their tapestry of time, off to make my own creation while theirs weaves onward in a different direction. In order words, I'm slowly departing Ohio over the next two weeks rather than in one fluid motion.
So here we go again. Time for goodbyes, adieus, and of course, my standard: See ya when I see ya. But before I get all nostalgic and reflective on my time here, there's plenty of partying to do and bucket lists to fulfill. My parents arrive tonight, and I will be doing the Columbus tour with them tomorrow, alongside my retired aunt who lives here and I've yet to visit. Friday should feature a trip to Cleveland for the rock and roll hall of fame and to see my cousin. Saturday is hooding and Sunday graduation with Obama speaking. Monday and Tuesday are packing for my impending road trip with Cali Foodie next weekend. It's ending so fast!
I think one of the things I'm most looking forward to in the road trip, besides going with my travel buddy, Cali, and visiting the sites, is creating a bunch of great playlists for the drive. My last few trips I've wanted to update my ipod with good stuff, but then I always run out of time. Of course, this means I need to find my ipod, which is the same one I've had since freshmen year of college! Probably time to update, but I have been so Android heavy, I never bothered with an iPhone and never got around to an iTouch. Someday soon, when I have a job.
The job thing is still pending. I expect responses in the next few weeks. I'm excited for my future in residence life. I miss those days when I had a staff to work with. I think its a testament to my blog regulars like Dr. Naysayer P Squirrel, Banana Slug, Pokeboss, Captain Peanut, Red Button, and many others that I loved my previous job, in a big part because of them. I've also lately been reflecting on my RA days, which brought my some of my best friends like Dungeon Daddy, Heavy Spy, Mother Mapster, Micki Granger, Tenshi, Spotty Sister, Steakhouse, Chai Ducky, and so many others (half the cast of characters really). Mapster and I in particular were discussing the level of safety, familiarity, comfort and independence that we think about when we look back on those days. I want to create those opportunities for my students and residents again. It's interesting, because in my cohort of almost 30, only myself, Tall Bear, Cali Foodie, Hopeful Introspective, and one or two others are willing to take ResLife jobs. People don't like the idea of living in ResHalls and the long wild hours of on call response. To me, its something I yearn for. I can't wait.
Until then, though, I get to live at home. I'm glad to be closer to my family. Way closer. Maybe to close? Two months minimum living there, based on prospective job start times. I'm not sure where I'm sleeping yet even. It might be the first time all 5 of us will be spending any prolonged period of time under the same roof since I came home for summer back after my sophomore year of college. I hope it goes well. It should go well, I'm actually not worried. I shouldn't be, right?
So yes, big changes coming. I'm trying to get back into the blogging thing more consistently, and not just the travel blogs that are more for me than you. Until then, have a lovely week!
Listening to: Tale a Bow- Muse, seems fitting for endings. and new beginnings.
Reading: A Shadow in the Wind, Zafon, for my diligent readers, you'll notice that I was reading this book two years ago. I still haven't finished. Freaking grad school.
Playing: Castle TD, a tower defense game on my phone. It's too addicting.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Ahh blogging
I've missed blogging. Mostly. I stopped last November after I hit vacation mode and didn't really have time to do any of it. The thing about vacations these days is I'm so busy trying to see everyone and spending every waking our with different people that I'm too tired to block. #extrovertproblems
Then the semester started and academically though I had two classes it was brutal. Papers every other week. Two internships plus work and the impending job hunt. I just didn't have time and any free time I did get was spent with Cali foodie or my other friends or doing little things like calling home. Stuff adds up.
So I'm sorry to not blog until now. Even as we "speak" I still have tons to do. I have a presentation and a full day of work tomorrow, Cali's thesis to read, a website to edit for my Internship, and a paper and presentation to do. Joy. So the reason I'm even blogging is cuz I'm on my second red eye this week and cannot for my life sleep. I have an aisle seat and everything so I feel guilty waking two people up to get my bright laptop. So instead I shall blog.
Lots happened in the past 5 months. I'm not gonna recount it all now but like everyone, life happens with its ups and down. I'll be more reflective as I get back into the blogging habit. The important things right now are I'm job hunting and have taken a new role. The job hunting is bringing me back to CA. I'm looking at resident director jobs across California and already have several prospects. I'm hoping for something closer to home so I can be with my family. Lately we've had lots of ups and downs. My grandparents were in a cat accident last December. My grandpa was hit by a car after bravely pushing my grandma out of the way breaking both his arms. My sister is applying to schools and brother to jobs. I want to be around for tho less moments and play a more active role in my family. I almost feel selfish living so far away. And of course every time I see Mama g of Clark or Brock or Alejandro or Bridges or any of my friends here I feel at home. That's a sign ya know?
The second big thing in life is I became a Godfather. Naysayer P Squirrel was baptized today into the Catholic Church. I must say I was initially surprised to hear the news and flattered to be asked. I'm excited to start this new journey with my former boss and good friend. He's played a father role in my own life and now I get to return the favor.
I have been pondering vocation a lot lately. I was sitting in our retreat wondering if I should teach RCIA classes someday. It seems fun and honestly I was a little disappointed in Naysayers teacher. I think about what God is calling me to do, especially as i job hunt. I know I'm going to end up where I need to be, just as I ended up in Ohio. However I want to make sure I'm living the life I should live which isn't always the one I want or plan. I have been talking with Cali and more recently Pokeboss and Red Button and Captain Peanut about where we will all end up next year. All of us are seniors (grad and undergrad) and have some idea but are still working out the details. Dandy Woo is going to Seattle but not sure where she can even get a higher Ed job thinking about other careers. Even Naysayer is looking. It seems that 2013 is one of those very transitional years for most of the people around me. Dungeon Daddys shifting gears my mom stopped working. Spam Boa is looking. The list goes on.
As I prepare for my impending move I called an old colleague at one of the schools I'm looking at for insight to the job. She mentioned how adaptable you have to be. I said I never thought of myself as "adaptable" until it showed up as one of my strengths in the Strengths Quest test. But I've always been reactive and responsive to change even if I used to hate it. So I'm excited for another change and am not worried about it. However, very soon I want to settle. Not move for at least 3 years. Be near home and friends and Cali Foodie and just get in a groove. Cuz I've moved a lot lately. And I'm done. Its time to find out what a stable life in a vocation looks like.
So here's to new life in baptism, vocations, locations and titles. In two weeks I'll be a student no more, perhaps forever. But I will continue to be a brother son godfather friend boyfriend colleague and more. Its time to work on those for a while.
Listening to: babies crying on this redeye
Reading: Slaughterhouse 5
Playing: Vector on my phone (running game in a parkour fashion) until the battery dies
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