So today I am inspired to write because I just had another one of those foot in mouth moments where no matter what I say, people interpret it as dirty and terribly amusing. I was conversing with my friend Steakhouse and the GF and we were joking about how Steakhouse could beat me in arm wrestling. I was like OK bring it on! I had every intention of letting her win and making myself look like a fool, a weakling and all around less of man for the amusement of others. Little did I know that I was going to epically succeed at the whole fool part. As I was coercing Steakhouse to arm wrestle me, the GF goes "Why don't you arm wrestle me?" I say "I'll do you both at the same time!" I set myself in position to wrestle and then realized both of them were laughing. Laughing hard. Like near tears. I mean, what's funnier than someone who's openly chaste and who doesn't even swear to offer a threesome? But wait, there's more. So the counter to which I challenged Steakhouse was a little narrow and raised, and well, she's a little short. So she says, "It's not big enough". After she laughs at her own "that's what she said," she continues to complain about not being able to reach, which prompts me to shove my foot deeper into my mouth saying, "Hurry up and just do it!" yea...
This makes me recall a few other moments of as my friends have begun to dub, That's what James said moments.
I won't even bother giving you much context. Rest assured that they were all innocent in my head and I never once realized what I said until everybody else started laughing.
"Finals over, pants off!"
"It's really hard! It's the hard part" -this was a video game...
I can't think of any more right now but I'm sure my boss and most of my friends have plenty they could add in the comments section.
Speaking of my boss its time for...
Life in Summercamp
This week I'll recount another tale of animals in my office. There was this bee in my office the other day, and it was buzzing against the window. (Side note today I my office was blocked off by a swarm of bees which were bother by the high winds we've been having) ANYWAY it was buzzing around and I noticed this spider web in the corner of the window. The bee buzzed close and this big ol' black spider leaped out and tried to capture the bee. It just missed and the bee untangled itself and "staggered" to the other side of the window. Then like something right out of Animal Planet it flies right into ANOTHER spider web where ANOTHER big black spider on the SAME window captures and devours the bee right before my eyes. All it needed was Morgan Freeman narrating something like "This one, was not lucky enough" to complete my trip into a documentary in my office. Of course, no-one else in my office noticed. I do promise I get work done there too!
I've decided I should probably rename Maniac Magee, my boss. If you didn't know, Maniac Magee is a book I read in the 6th grade about a boy who could befriends a former bully named Mars Bar and could run on a single rail of the train tracks. I picked the name at random for no real reason. Anyway, my boss, who if you didn't know has a vision impairment. He's blind. Legally not literally. Like he can see someone but he would be able to hit them with his shoe from a short distance (he recently tried) Or if you saw him on the street walking (because cars are off limits to him) and waved to him he wouldn't know who he was waving back to. Like he has a walking cane- you get it! Anyway, he read Maniac Magoo, who was a blind comic book character he was teased about as a child. He thought I was being a jerk and totally making fun of him in an insensitive way (when in fact I make fun of him in completely sensitive ways). So now I shall refer to him as JD, the initials of a particularly favorite beverage of his.
This brings me to my JD moment of the week. I have two actually. The first is a quote from one of our staff members. JD was recounting that he was being called in for jury duty soon and how he was afraid he wouldn't be able to get out of it. Our staff member completely unintentionally responds with "But I was kinda under the impression that they want... normal people..." Burn.
The next happened during our one on one this week. JD asks me "hey, do you want to go to Jumbo's with me and a few of my old staff members?" I respond, "Isn't that the strip club that you keep trying to get me to?" (He's slowly trying to corrupt me which he says isn't corrupting, "just sharing and giving me new experiences")I go on, "Naw I don't think its really my scene" He says, "It's classy! They wear pasties and panties!" Then we both stopped and had a moment that my boss was just telling me about pasties and panties. It came up three more times that night.
On a news note, my boss actually just rehired me to return to my same job next year. I'm really excited and happy to continue to work with him and the exciting times in Summercamp.
For Brock's Block, I'd like to first talk about the disco stick. Yes, there is a disco stick in my apt. Brock ordered it off the internet (he is addicted to Amazon, he even ordered medicine for when he was sick-it arrive two weeks later well after he'd gotten better...) This disco stick was for the Lady Gaga Poker Party we threw a few months ago. The stick arrived two week after the party. It cost him something like $45. It is hand made with a duct tape handle and a plastic crystal head. I bring this up not just for the absurdity that a disco stick is in my apt. but for the comments it received this weekend when Brock wasn't around but all our other friends were. They went something like this:
What's this? Wait, did you say a Disco Stick? Like Lady GaGa? This is Brock's isn't it? It looks like a mace. I could kill someone with this... Stay back or I'll beat you with my disco stick (no yours truly didn't say that innuendo) Wait... it lights up? Turn off the lights I want to light the disco stick! Why would anyone buy this? Oh right its Brock. Look its made of duct tape. He paid how much for this?? Oh Brock...
That conversation happened like 5 separate times. And they all ended with the disco stick being left on the floor or toss somewhere random and forgotten.
I'm not at my apt. right now so I can't pull up one of my recorded Brock quotes, so I share this moment: I came home last night and saw Brock sitting in my chair. I said to him, "You must have just gotten home." He responded, "Yea about 15 minutes ago why?" "You still have all your clothes on."
-James Tiberius York
Listening to: Classical Music from Fantasia courtesy of Steakhouse's slacker.com station.
Reading: Voyage of the Dawn Treader (yes I've actually made progress)
Playing: Left 4 Dead 2- Bonding with my best friend as well as three of my other best buddies while slice, burning, and shotgunning zombies: Bliss.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Quirkies in my Life
Context: A little about me:
I live in a beach city apartment with two friends who I have known since my first year of college. I work at the university I graduated from, which is under construction like... ALWAYS. I work in Res Life which was a transition from my time as an RA to my current role as Asst. Resident Director. I am dating a current RA who I've known since her first year. She's a senior now in the building we were both RAs together in. Now I work in what will hereby be called Summer Camp because it is an outdoor community with lots of trees and squirrels. This brings me to my first little section of my blog:
Life in Summercamp:
My office is shared with the office assistant. A friend of mine calls me the Head OA rather than an Asst. Resident Director and the comparison amuses me because some days I feel like one. In fact, I walked into my old Res Life office the other day and my old boss was in a jam, resulting in me volunteering to be an Office Assistant for a day. (Ironically, I replaced my gf's spot because she couldn't make her shift due to class conflict). So I was Head OA for a day. I'd like to make some jab about college educations not really getting me anywhere, but as most of my friends live at home and everyone's working wherever they can, I'll take what I can get.
Now that summer's on the horizon (despite this week's rain) my duels with the squirrels have recommenced. They are everywhere in summercamp and one in particular likes to sneak into my office to inspect the empty trash can. I yell at it and this only results in my boss next door going "What?!?". The squirrel just stands motionless looking at me like I'm an idiot, then continues its journey into my office. Then I stamp my foot and it looks at me again and promptly ignores me. I have to get up, flail my arms, stamp my feet and look like a general fool, chasing the stupid animal out of my office under the picnic table and up a tree. At this point, the OA is just laughing at me and passing residents are giving their Asst. Resident Director a weird look. And my boss yells at me for picking on the squirrels! I wish the owl we had this past winter had picked more of them off...
Speaking of my boss, there are a few things you should know about him. He is legally blind and sometimes uses this to his convenience though it also has some hilarious side effects. He is loud, brass, and blunt and generally really funny. He talks about his experiences in Bible college where he was kicked out of, and that one time he was struck by lightning. It's a funny story but its even funnier to think that he was struck by lightning at bible camp. Needless to say he's not very religious anymore. He will be a regular character in the show that is this blog. For now, I've decided to refer to him as Maniac Magee.
I turn now to my domestic life, specifically my roommates.
The first one was my best friends roommate way back in first year. We have a pretty tight knit group of friends that we call the Family and many of us hung out because of that first year. Clark Gable, who I shall now call this first roommate, is one of the smartest people I know. He literally won Jeopardy! and regularly competes in pub quizzes and some days just lives on sporcle. He recently committed to our same undergraduate school to earn his Masters degree in Film and so I'm excited he's staying in the area. This man watches more movies in a week than I see in theaters in a year. We have a collection of over 600 movies on the wall and he is always renting films from the library. I'm sure we'll delve into some of his quirks but for now just know these three rules of the universe: Clark don't drink. Clark don't dance. Clark don't sing. Though that last one has an exception for Disney songs and very specific situations...
This brings me to my last roommate, the biggest reason people told me to start a blog. For future blogs, I want to call this Brock's Block. I would refer to him as Alejandro for the lyrical connection but Brock is just an amusing name and it rhymes with Block, which is also the name of a powerful man outside of whom's door Brock once stood naked, one of many streaking stories this man has. In fact, its hard to find situations where this man has all his clothes on in general. He generally comes home strips to his boxer-briefs and wifebeater (if its cold) and plops in front of his computer to catch up on the many friends he has around the world. We had a landmark moment the other day when he was like "Guys guess what." After a series of snarky and incorrect guess he went on to state proudly: "I have over 1000 friends on facebook". This is a big deal, especially in Brock's life. Just a few other random details for the purposes of context for Brock: he works at a stressful job that spurs him to have a drink after work to calm down. He is a fairly lightweight drinker and gets very chatty when under the influence. He can't keep secrets. You put it together.
I'll try to end all of Brock's Block with a quote from him. For future reference, please note that any"A" in this quote is his close friend from his hometown in Hickville, California (a town which Brock is very proud of but also makes for great satire). A is a reoccuring character too and I've decided to bestow him this alias Alejandro. I've just come to accept that Lady Gaga is a part of my life these days.
B-"When I was only around white people and dumb Asians in 'Hickville', I wasn't racist"
A- *Facepalm"
That's all for now. Until soon.
-JT York
Currently listening to: "Time is Running Out" by Muse (I'm still on a huge Muse binge after seeing them in concert in Las Vegas last week. So awesome!)
Currently reading: Voyage of the Dawn Treader by CS Lewis or I would be if I weren't...
Currently playing: Pokemon HeartGold by Nintendo. This explains everything: http://www.awkwardzombie.com/comic1-032910.php
I live in a beach city apartment with two friends who I have known since my first year of college. I work at the university I graduated from, which is under construction like... ALWAYS. I work in Res Life which was a transition from my time as an RA to my current role as Asst. Resident Director. I am dating a current RA who I've known since her first year. She's a senior now in the building we were both RAs together in. Now I work in what will hereby be called Summer Camp because it is an outdoor community with lots of trees and squirrels. This brings me to my first little section of my blog:
Life in Summercamp:
My office is shared with the office assistant. A friend of mine calls me the Head OA rather than an Asst. Resident Director and the comparison amuses me because some days I feel like one. In fact, I walked into my old Res Life office the other day and my old boss was in a jam, resulting in me volunteering to be an Office Assistant for a day. (Ironically, I replaced my gf's spot because she couldn't make her shift due to class conflict). So I was Head OA for a day. I'd like to make some jab about college educations not really getting me anywhere, but as most of my friends live at home and everyone's working wherever they can, I'll take what I can get.
Now that summer's on the horizon (despite this week's rain) my duels with the squirrels have recommenced. They are everywhere in summercamp and one in particular likes to sneak into my office to inspect the empty trash can. I yell at it and this only results in my boss next door going "What?!?". The squirrel just stands motionless looking at me like I'm an idiot, then continues its journey into my office. Then I stamp my foot and it looks at me again and promptly ignores me. I have to get up, flail my arms, stamp my feet and look like a general fool, chasing the stupid animal out of my office under the picnic table and up a tree. At this point, the OA is just laughing at me and passing residents are giving their Asst. Resident Director a weird look. And my boss yells at me for picking on the squirrels! I wish the owl we had this past winter had picked more of them off...
Speaking of my boss, there are a few things you should know about him. He is legally blind and sometimes uses this to his convenience though it also has some hilarious side effects. He is loud, brass, and blunt and generally really funny. He talks about his experiences in Bible college where he was kicked out of, and that one time he was struck by lightning. It's a funny story but its even funnier to think that he was struck by lightning at bible camp. Needless to say he's not very religious anymore. He will be a regular character in the show that is this blog. For now, I've decided to refer to him as Maniac Magee.
I turn now to my domestic life, specifically my roommates.
The first one was my best friends roommate way back in first year. We have a pretty tight knit group of friends that we call the Family and many of us hung out because of that first year. Clark Gable, who I shall now call this first roommate, is one of the smartest people I know. He literally won Jeopardy! and regularly competes in pub quizzes and some days just lives on sporcle. He recently committed to our same undergraduate school to earn his Masters degree in Film and so I'm excited he's staying in the area. This man watches more movies in a week than I see in theaters in a year. We have a collection of over 600 movies on the wall and he is always renting films from the library. I'm sure we'll delve into some of his quirks but for now just know these three rules of the universe: Clark don't drink. Clark don't dance. Clark don't sing. Though that last one has an exception for Disney songs and very specific situations...
This brings me to my last roommate, the biggest reason people told me to start a blog. For future blogs, I want to call this Brock's Block. I would refer to him as Alejandro for the lyrical connection but Brock is just an amusing name and it rhymes with Block, which is also the name of a powerful man outside of whom's door Brock once stood naked, one of many streaking stories this man has. In fact, its hard to find situations where this man has all his clothes on in general. He generally comes home strips to his boxer-briefs and wifebeater (if its cold) and plops in front of his computer to catch up on the many friends he has around the world. We had a landmark moment the other day when he was like "Guys guess what." After a series of snarky and incorrect guess he went on to state proudly: "I have over 1000 friends on facebook". This is a big deal, especially in Brock's life. Just a few other random details for the purposes of context for Brock: he works at a stressful job that spurs him to have a drink after work to calm down. He is a fairly lightweight drinker and gets very chatty when under the influence. He can't keep secrets. You put it together.
I'll try to end all of Brock's Block with a quote from him. For future reference, please note that any"A" in this quote is his close friend from his hometown in Hickville, California (a town which Brock is very proud of but also makes for great satire). A is a reoccuring character too and I've decided to bestow him this alias Alejandro. I've just come to accept that Lady Gaga is a part of my life these days.
B-"When I was only around white people and dumb Asians in 'Hickville', I wasn't racist"
A- *Facepalm"
That's all for now. Until soon.
-JT York
Currently listening to: "Time is Running Out" by Muse (I'm still on a huge Muse binge after seeing them in concert in Las Vegas last week. So awesome!)
Currently reading: Voyage of the Dawn Treader by CS Lewis or I would be if I weren't...
Currently playing: Pokemon HeartGold by Nintendo. This explains everything: http://www.awkwardzombie.com/comic1-032910.php
First Post
So once a week or even once a day I've been encouraged to start a blog. Many recommend a video blog or a youtube blog or at least some kind of chronology of the antics myself and the people around me. Seeing as how I'd like to improve my writing style and practice more anyway, I finally stopped being lazy and have gotten around to starting one. I hope the excitement of doing something new will have me updating it with some kind of consistency. I do have thoughts on the format and some reoccurring themes. Nobody really wants to hear about my day to day life but rather wants to know the funny stories about my roommates, coworkers, and situations that a post college student goes through. There will be parts where I am musing and tossing thoughts around but I will try to also make it easy for people that just want the latest antics to be easily accessed. I know I can be wordy and rambly, so I'll aim to be user friendly and entertaining. So whatever you get out of this, I hope this blog is beneficial to all of us, fun and all around enjoyable.
BTW... In case anyone mentioned in this blog gets famous or politically active or whatever, I'll try to be very name-cautiuos. Also, I like to make up names for people so everyone knows who I'm talking about but I don't actually use their name.
Also, if you don't want me talking about you, let me know. This blog is primarily for you, my friends and my own entertainment so please don't be offended or hurt by anything I say. Its not intentionally vindictive.
BTW... In case anyone mentioned in this blog gets famous or politically active or whatever, I'll try to be very name-cautiuos. Also, I like to make up names for people so everyone knows who I'm talking about but I don't actually use their name.
Also, if you don't want me talking about you, let me know. This blog is primarily for you, my friends and my own entertainment so please don't be offended or hurt by anything I say. Its not intentionally vindictive.
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