Quote night AKA My Foot in my Mouth

So today I am inspired to write because I just had another one of those foot in mouth moments where no matter what I say, people interpret it as dirty and terribly amusing. I was conversing with my friend Steakhouse and the GF and we were joking about how Steakhouse could beat me in arm wrestling. I was like OK bring it on! I had every intention of letting her win and making myself look like a fool, a weakling and all around less of man for the amusement of others. Little did I know that I was going to epically succeed at the whole fool part. As I was coercing Steakhouse to arm wrestle me, the GF goes "Why don't you arm wrestle me?" I say "I'll do you both at the same time!" I set myself in position to wrestle and then realized both of them were laughing. Laughing hard. Like near tears. I mean, what's funnier than someone who's openly chaste and who doesn't even swear to offer a threesome? But wait, there's more. So the counter to which I challenged Steakhouse was a little narrow and raised, and well, she's a little short. So she says, "It's not big enough". After she laughs at her own "that's what she said," she continues to complain about not being able to reach, which prompts me to shove my foot deeper into my mouth saying, "Hurry up and just do it!" yea...

This makes me recall a few other moments of as my friends have begun to dub, That's what James said moments.

I won't even bother giving you much context. Rest assured that they were all innocent in my head and I never once realized what I said until everybody else started laughing.

"Finals over, pants off!"

"It's really hard! It's the hard part" -this was a video game...

I can't think of any more right now but I'm sure my boss and most of my friends have plenty they could add in the comments section.

Speaking of my boss its time for...

Life in Summercamp

This week I'll recount another tale of animals in my office. There was this bee in my office the other day, and it was buzzing against the window. (Side note today I my office was blocked off by a swarm of bees which were bother by the high winds we've been having) ANYWAY it was buzzing around and I noticed this spider web in the corner of the window. The bee buzzed close and this big ol' black spider leaped out and tried to capture the bee. It just missed and the bee untangled itself and "staggered" to the other side of the window. Then like something right out of Animal Planet it flies right into ANOTHER spider web where ANOTHER big black spider on the SAME window captures and devours the bee right before my eyes. All it needed was Morgan Freeman narrating something like "This one, was not lucky enough" to complete my trip into a documentary in my office. Of course, no-one else in my office noticed. I do promise I get work done there too!

I've decided I should probably rename Maniac Magee, my boss. If you didn't know, Maniac Magee is a book I read in the 6th grade about a boy who could befriends a former bully named Mars Bar and could run on a single rail of the train tracks. I picked the name at random for no real reason. Anyway, my boss, who if you didn't know has a vision impairment. He's blind. Legally not literally. Like he can see someone but he would be able to hit them with his shoe from a short distance (he recently tried) Or if you saw him on the street walking (because cars are off limits to him) and waved to him he wouldn't know who he was waving back to. Like he has a walking cane- you get it! Anyway, he read Maniac Magoo, who was a blind comic book character he was teased about as a child. He thought I was being a jerk and totally making fun of him in an insensitive way (when in fact I make fun of him in completely sensitive ways). So now I shall refer to him as JD, the initials of a particularly favorite beverage of his.

This brings me to my JD moment of the week. I have two actually. The first is a quote from one of our staff members. JD was recounting that he was being called in for jury duty soon and how he was afraid he wouldn't be able to get out of it. Our staff member completely unintentionally responds with "But I was kinda under the impression that they want... normal people..." Burn.

The next happened during our one on one this week. JD asks me "hey, do you want to go to Jumbo's with me and a few of my old staff members?" I respond, "Isn't that the strip club that you keep trying to get me to?" (He's slowly trying to corrupt me which he says isn't corrupting, "just sharing and giving me new experiences")I go on, "Naw I don't think its really my scene" He says, "It's classy! They wear pasties and panties!" Then we both stopped and had a moment that my boss was just telling me about pasties and panties. It came up three more times that night.

On a news note, my boss actually just rehired me to return to my same job next year. I'm really excited and happy to continue to work with him and the exciting times in Summercamp.

For Brock's Block, I'd like to first talk about the disco stick. Yes, there is a disco stick in my apt. Brock ordered it off the internet (he is addicted to Amazon, he even ordered medicine for when he was sick-it arrive two weeks later well after he'd gotten better...) This disco stick was for the Lady Gaga Poker Party we threw a few months ago. The stick arrived two week after the party. It cost him something like $45. It is hand made with a duct tape handle and a plastic crystal head. I bring this up not just for the absurdity that a disco stick is in my apt. but for the comments it received this weekend when Brock wasn't around but all our other friends were. They went something like this:

What's this? Wait, did you say a Disco Stick? Like Lady GaGa? This is Brock's isn't it? It looks like a mace. I could kill someone with this... Stay back or I'll beat you with my disco stick (no yours truly didn't say that innuendo) Wait... it lights up? Turn off the lights I want to light the disco stick! Why would anyone buy this? Oh right its Brock. Look its made of duct tape. He paid how much for this?? Oh Brock...

That conversation happened like 5 separate times. And they all ended with the disco stick being left on the floor or toss somewhere random and forgotten.

I'm not at my apt. right now so I can't pull up one of my recorded Brock quotes, so I share this moment: I came home last night and saw Brock sitting in my chair. I said to him, "You must have just gotten home." He responded, "Yea about 15 minutes ago why?" "You still have all your clothes on."

-James Tiberius York

Listening to: Classical Music from Fantasia courtesy of Steakhouse's slacker.com station.

Reading: Voyage of the Dawn Treader (yes I've actually made progress)

Playing: Left 4 Dead 2- Bonding with my best friend as well as three of my other best buddies while slice, burning, and shotgunning zombies: Bliss.